Ask- The Interpersonal Dynamic

.     Found an interesting article on the newer face of dating and a point struck me as one of those newer, freshly liberated generational gap types. There arose the need to explore the topic.

1. She wants you to ask. Despite the rhetoric you hear about the liberated woman, women still appreciate it when a guy asks her out on a date. They like when men take the initiative. (http://artofmanliness.com/2008/01/16/stop-hanging-out-with-women-and-start-dating-them/)

.     Recollection brings about; for some, the idea of a time in which "he" asks "her" and she accepts or completely rejects him and this dictated the subsequent interactions as being existent or completely non-existent. No middle ground. 
.     Well, recent interaction software has allowed the emergence of said middle ground. Not that it didn't exist before, people of more than just the youthful generation are being exposed to and adopting new conceptions now. From across the generational board. 
.    Is it now assumed that women have an implied perpetually active "no" until asked and otherwise stated? I believe so, in some ways. Imagine if you will, a friendship. The interest is there, on one or both behalfs, and sometimes indulged in. Then a kiss in public creates dissonance between one or the other. Typically; 'she' is now thinking: "Where did that come from?"  and 'he' is thinking: "Well we're dating aren't we?" 
.     In the idiom of my elders this is a role reversal. But no matter, the affect is basic and human and the effect is generally a sharp divide between an otherwise healthy inter-personal relationship. From here, many wonderful friendships and partnerships have withered and died due to a lack of communication about expectations and about unwritten 'relationship' standards or rules.
.     So what went wrong? In the given example, she lives by the newer generational bachelor ( or feminist) standard that she has the freedom to become comfortably close with whomever she chooses without there being any implied expectations. His ability to claim exclusivity on such expressions of comfort is contingent upon both his requesting such and her continued acceptance of said requests.
.     Now this doesn't mean it is necessary to ask her if it's all-right every time you move in for a kiss. If she says yes once, some believe, that establishes a continued commitment. I would tend to agree with this mindset when it pertains to certain larger issues, sexuality for one instance. Marriage for another. However not the smaller issues. Those carry a more applied method of thought. This, of course, yields to circumstance. ie: New set of parameters or environment; implied "no" stands until verified or denied.
.     If there were grounds for a kiss behind closed doors, it speaks to a certain comfort level while in private, with a trusted, and accepted friend. Behind closed doors. Many don't realize that implies nothing more. Public is an entirely different animal and so is today's definitions of words like: single, dating, together, relationship or my personal favourite: teddy bear.
.     So where's the mistake in it all? Easy. Assumption. Typically when implied or assumed boundries are crossed, it is the actively single party who feels things are moving too fast. Operative terms being implied and assumed. The other side of the equation also is at fault of assumption. To assume that someone is as comfortable in the street as they are in the sheets is an exercise in futility.
.     The resolution lies in communication. The likelihood of either side saying: "Well I never said it would be ok!" is so high that you might as well skip it and cut straight to the chase. Discuss the friendship as it has evolved and clarify what makes the other part comfortable or uncomfortable with certain things. This would be the first step.
.     The crucial other half would be for both parties to agree to the most recent mutually amicable dynamic and designate there be some sort of reset button or dynamic checkpoint at that. Then pick up like nothing had happened with a better understanding of repercussions. Otherwise it will be difficult to salvage an otherwise strong friendship, a tragedy considering such things are rare in this digital world. After all, confused communication and differing opinions on what constitutes exclusivity need not be lamented. Celebrate differences.