Thursday, May 24, 2012

Reading People...



.     ...And letting people read you is one of those skills that comes naturally. You may not realize that you're constantly sending non-verbal cues or what they are or why, but body-language speaks volumes. I love when I come across something like this because I spent my childhood stepping back and over-analyzing these and other subtle forms of interaction in order to teach them.
.     When I was very young, I realized my brother was different. He couldn't tell that other people didn't just listen to his words but his tone meant a lot too. He didn't notice that subtle cues were trying to tell him that another person was not angry but frustruated. When people learned they had to eliminate all verbal and non-verbal cues and focus strictly on the meaning of their words with my brother he made fast friends. I remember countless times that I accompanied his as a sort of translator between worlds.
.     My brother shows many similarities with autistics. While he does not have Autism, it was convenient to explain to others what my brother's developmental-delays resembled in terms that seemed familiar. Even when they weren't. Telling people (in a time when Autism, Downs and ADD were not household terms) that my brother had qualities from these disorders soothed their initial unease and often opened up the conversation of "I've heard of the one but what are the others?" It also gave me the immediate freedom to explain the traits my brother shared with these more common situations.
.     Time and again I found myself explaining that people often look for facial expressions to explain part-way what a person is talking about by what they are feeling. I understood satire and cynicism at a very early age because in some ways I lived with an unwilling example of them. And everywhere we went I would stop and turn to my brother to say: "Now J, I know you're happy to see her because you are but you need to smile when you see Grandma to let her know you're happy to see her." Or other such things.
.     Friendly body-language is one of the lessons I spent a lot of time on with my brother. I'd slow down a group of people we were introduced to and show them how to help him see these cues and understand what they meant. One such occasion is when someone said to me that I was like my brother's translator. I hadn't thought of it that way but kept the notion ever since. To see how he has progressed and remembered those lessons through the years has been fascinating and filled me with pride. He learned a lot of things that were difficult for him. And I never took for granted something so powerful; something that to be without, I knew, was a huge handicap.
.     So when someone said to me through gritted teeth "I like you" I had to swallow hard. I spent years teaching one person harmony between words and intentions and here was a blaring embodiment of what I had learned no one needs to have to cope with in their life. All at once I wanted to teach and to run. (Sorry Mom, once was enough, kinda why I'm a member of the zero population growth coalition.) It's nice to find a web-page I can refer the problem to.

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