. Happiness isn' t just a fleeting dream but it's not something easily obtainable solo. How exactly do we capture that intangible and all too infrequent sensation of being happy? Well, I'm of the scientific mind, call me new fashioned or call me old fashioned, pursuant to what era you are from. Five basic steps based in the loose science of psychology allow a person to discover their own Happiness Project
. First, take a lesson from science. One of many. It is a well established principle in psychology that man is a social animal and that we are distinguished from other members of the "animal" family by our perpetual habit of thinking about the future and conjecturing as to action and consequence. Straight up: we think; we think and we need to share it.
. Whether it's an article in playboy about how to guess what woman is easy based on how she crosses her legs (surprisingly fun article to test at a party some time!) or if it's just sitting down with an old bud and talking about your week; sharing our experiences makes us less stressed and feel happier. The truth of it all is that we like to have someone listen to us. And those who need to be listened to often will show their gratitude if you have earned it and ask.
. Lesson two: in today's day and age it is difficult to indulge personal connections, so go out and make a new friend in person. It's a very digital landscape and a business world. Take the time to sit down with an elderly person, go to the park and strike up a conversation with someone on a bench who would otherwise be absorbed in their phone, smile and say hello to the next minimum wage worker you see. Start a conversation and listen.
. I find that having a large circle of friends and people who share their thoughts and feelings with you allows you more opportunities and it is this profit angle I've had the misfortune of gaining a working exploratory knowledge of over the course of the last several years. Many friends have given me many basic necessities in nominal amounts in the past. I owe these people much gratitude, I've often paid that due in the form of indulgence. But while I've lived penniless for the majority of my years, the only debts I still have unpaid are college loans and most that have helped me are eager to spend time with this 'ol friend again.
. Lesson three: establish what your time is worth by quantifying your basic needs and dividing by your available hours in the day. Always remember you are not available for at least several hours of "work" and sleep (or as I like to say: rest). Psychologists and Psychiatrists get paid eight hours a day to listen to people talk. While they have a bunch of damn good worth-while knowledge that helps you make sense of whatever it was, their best and most profitable work is when they ask the elaborative type of questions that allow someone to discover the answer all on their own. So sit down and listen and ask questions that equate to the age old 'how does that make you feel.' Do remember how much valuable time you've spent and be honest and fair about the needs you should have been "working" on in that time.
. The frustrating part of the process is listening to someone talk for hours about their meaningless status updates or some non sequitur they are all too proud to boast about when you personally would rather surround yourself with doers or talk about yourself. So I just look at it like this when I find myself in just such situations: I don't know how or when yet but just like Dr Freud, I am getting paid for this. Then I take it as a cue to my easily empathetic brain that it's time for a question that'll get 'em back on the elaboration track.
. Lesson four: Be honest, be fair. When you notice someone feeling happy, it's a good time to say something like: "Well this has been fun but I really must go, I still have to find some place to stay for the night." Ok, so you probably have the basic necessity of shelter covered, but be a parent to yourself: why spend hours indulging some else's need when there's something you need to accomplish? If you understood lessons one, two and three correctly and didn't mention a need far beyond this person's capabilities, about three quarters of the time, this person will offer to help. Three quarters, that is if you got them to smile. You can get away with a lot if you make someone laugh.
. I spent three months putting a stranger to bed every night. Sometimes he slept, sometimes we chatted all night. I was helping him with the basic necessities and in turn he would let me vent for an hour or three every night. I needed that then and we became great friends. But somewhere along the way he stopped indulging in my daily rant, but he kept relying on my support of his physical and emotional needs. The hardest part for me was to move on because when a person's need to feel important is met by someone, letting go is a reluctant act. But I always was bad at being fair to myself.
. Lesson five: be a giver. The old adage goes: a little kindness goes a long way. So far for me it's gone ten states and a different country. Though my personal happiness goal is to plant roots at a little farm somewhere, I feel I just may meet the person that can open that door for me next. So; as long as I have food and shelter and am lucky enough to earn just enough bill money, I will keep giving of myself, at least on a personal level.
. Set your personal happiness goal; it could be a companion, a tangible thing, ruling the world, whatever; now be honest with yourself, what have you done to get there today? Not sure what makes you happy? Neither am I, but here's some great advice: go ask a friend. If you're doing enough of the listening to ask for help, they won't know either. You could ask them to explore it with you. Or go make a friend and start the process anew. Be fore-warned, starting over sucks. It is usually more painful every time.
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